last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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