Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
