her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
