I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
