the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
