i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
