she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
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her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
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Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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