My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
