Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
