just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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