Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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