You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
