This girl is more easily done than said...
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
