i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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