im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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