That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
