he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
