The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
