I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
