After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
