I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize