the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
