I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
