Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
