I hope mine doesn't look like that
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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