i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
