bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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