If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
