Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
