I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
