Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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