I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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