singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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