He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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