i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
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Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
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I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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