I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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