dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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