Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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