Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
