She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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