hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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