I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
