he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
