I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
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who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
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Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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