i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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