It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Randomize
