Just cropdusted the office
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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