Will you blow on my dice?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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