he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
