my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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