saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
