your parents love me but you hate me
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We talked him into tasing himself.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
