He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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