Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
