i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
