it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
