Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i will never coherently bang her
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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