I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
