Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
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If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
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If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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