after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
