you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
