he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He has the fingertips of a God
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
