her vagine was all disorganized.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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