my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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