jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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