I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
