This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
