if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We have started to decorate penises.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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