Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
