You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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