Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
