I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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