Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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