physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
