Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
