it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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