I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I came so hard my ears popped.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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