Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
