Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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