I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
i've created a new STD.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Randomize
