Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
