Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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