Sorry, I don't speak sober.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
