she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
