dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
