Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
