So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
